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* * *
Not really.
I never left.
this journal is now gonna be out of use.
add my other journal account:

if you are put off by slash fiction or whatever
please do not add me,
for I post a fair amount of it on my journal.

Current Location:
Current Mood:
blah meh
Current Music:
"Sugar, We're Going Down" - all Out Boy
* * *

okay... so it's almost 4 a.m.
and I can't sleep.
I turn 14 [officially]
in about... 4 hours.
8:15 a.m.
Minnesota time.
so technically,
6:15 a.m.
Arizona time.

I have class in about...
7 hours.
and I don't know how well this will go.


I'm having my "party" today
around 6:30
or whenever I get out of heels and into some jeans
after class.

I finished up a set up lyrics
the set is about my parents.
it's a hard subject to write about, honestly.
but it's prolly the only good thing I'll ever write.
there goes my fucking music career.

oh well.
whomever else is in the band with me
will write, too.

I want to sleep
soooo bad
but I can't.
I'm not tired.
the sun hasn't come up yet.
and if I only get a few hours of sleep
then go to class
I'm gonna be fucking sick
and pissed while doing goddamn runway.

I already feel my feet hurt.

oh well. I'll write another entry later.
that's a promise.
[is 14 today :)]

Current Location:
the deepest corners in my thoughts
Current Mood:
thoughtful thoughtful
Current Music:
"White To Red" - Forgive Durden
* * *
I'm a struggling musician/lyricsist in a world that offers you nothing.

you work and work and work, despite age, you're told you're nothing.

and because that feeling, you can't write.

because of this, I've been discouraged.

but only just. :)

today, [yesterday, if you'd like to get technical] I was just singing, no intentions, actually.
and I wrote what I was singing...
and I sang the chorus over and over...
and it wasn't too bad...

but now, I'm stuck at my mom's
where singing isn't allowed
and I have no lyrical files.

my dad, leaving on a trip,
is pretty much leaving me here to die.

I need music.
I need my lyrics.
I need to have my other computer.
I need it's contents.

I've poured my life and my soul and all I've gotten,
was nothing.
was discouragement.

and for what?

so I can write mediocre lyrics
and have blank melodies that sound the same?

but no, I'm sorry, my dear.
but this isn't how it's going to be.
I'm going to keep writing,
I'm going to keep singing,
and one day, it'll pay off.

because I WILL have what I wanted.
and all I wanted,
it so prove to you and everyone else
I CAN do something.
and damnit, that something is what I've wanted all my life.

I'll finish assembling my band through out high school
[being only a freshman never seemed like such a good thing]
and I'll get better at writing.
and I WILL open for Amber's Diary,
as they promised me.

I will do this.
it's not like I have much of anything else cut out for me.
and while I'm a musician,
I'm a photographer,
and that's about all else I'm good at.

okay, so I lie.
I'm not conceited,
but honestly...
I can do whatever.
it just seems that I'm in love with music
I'm at it's lowest form...
but one day...
I'll be better.
I'll get bigger.
I'll grow.

not only as a person, but as a musician.
and one day, people will be wanting me.
I hope...

[/end rant]

Current Location:
apt 204
Current Mood:
blank blank
Current Music:
whatever I sing
* * *
* * *
"we like the break the mold
so why not sing already?
if we like to make a difference
why aren't we debating?
we like to sneak around the rules
maybe kill a few
and yet.
it's easier to not get caught
than to give yourself up.

there's nothing wrong with
but there's only so far
we can push a limit
before we're taken into custody
and to be quite honest
questioning isn't really my sort of thing
and let's just hope
we know better now"

that's all I have right now.
and tbqh, I just wrote that.
I didn't even pre-write it. xD
right off the spot.

they're kinda... odd for now.
I'm trying to work on what means something to me.
but right now....
that's the problem.

I thought that with the most recent events,
I would write something...
I was wrong. :|

then again... it's not like I even tried. >_>
Current Location:
ass to the seat
Current Mood:
lethargic lethargic
Current Music:
"Cardhouse Dreamer" - This Providence
* * *
* * *
if I EVER write a decent song,
I'll name it as said above.

Warped Tour...
has inspired me, honestly.
I've been most inspired by All Time Low.
I dunno why,
mostly only because I'm still half delirious.
I'm a shade lighter than a fully cooked lobster.
I wonder...
would I taste good in butter?

I have the honest hope that I can write
a good set of solid lyrics.
do you know how happy I'd be?
I'd throw a fucking party.

I need to work on the following when writing:
-storyline [stay to].

I'm too out of it to think correctly.
I hopefully lost 10 lbs. in water weight.
that'd make up for the sunburn.

Next concert:
Powerspace - August 12th.
A month from today. :)

give me inspiration.
I'll give you a song.
give me love.
I'll give you my heart.
give me sleep.
I'll give you peace.
give me a hard time.
I'll give you hell.
make me sleep
sometime soon
before we all go


nothing I even say is GOOD!

I can't even sleep
because I'm soooo goddamn tired.

I haven't even eaten all day.
but I couldn't eat my Quiznos.
and I love Quiznos.
and if I don't eat that...
there's something wrong. D':
I'm abnormal!

why can't I write good lyrics?
all the good stuff is getting written
while I'm just doing a
"trial, error and FAIL"

this is pretty much just a rant bulletin of whatever is on my mind.
hopefully, this'll help me sleep once this is in the open.

thank you. that is all.
Current Location:
the darkened corner of my room
Current Mood:
exhausted exhausted
Current Music:
All Time Low
* * *
it's in fucking TWO WEEKS

events until then:
7th - Model's class.
11th - Warped Tour.
12th - The Higher.
14th - TSA Album.
21st - Model's Class.
21st - 14th birthday.

busy busy busy.

in other news...
the slash that Gary and I are
writing to keep us entertained
is coming along alright. but going
between houses kinda ruins it.


Current Location:
dooms in the dark
Current Mood:
Current Music:
Boys Like Girls
* * *
contradictory words.
fake eyes.
emotionless mannequins.

is this what I am destined to be once I set foot into that classroom?
I have no idea what there is to become of me.

but today has been an emotional roller-coaster.
and not a very fun one at that.

I've gone to both polar extremities and back again.
I was so happy to talk about Powerspace with Alannah.
then I was sad when talking about "him" (I can't say. sorry.)
so sad, in fact, I began to cry.
I was happy to talk to my friends and hang out with Stephanie.
and so angry when my mother began to rag on me for shit.

what the hell is going to happen to my brain under
the combining force of pressure and [in]sanity?
*sigh* I guess we'll have to wait and see.

shall we have some poetry? [that rhymed ^_^]

"I've learned that if I want to be loved, I have to fall in love.
But I also learned, it's not as graceful as a dove
I know now that this strange emotion
meant only a lifetime of devotion
with feelings range as far as the ocean
moving only in slow-motion

Current Location:
my dragon's keep
Current Mood:
contemplative contemplative
Current Music:
"Stay Away" - Paramore
* * *
I can quite honestly tell you...
I've lost my mind.

because I HATE reading pencil stuff in the dark,
I found a little lamp that hooks onto the spine of a book
and I bunched up a bit of my hair
and clipped it on.
it's rather nifty, really.

Gary and I are writing slash.
oh boy.
this'll be interesting.
stupid one and a half months until high school
low productivity sucks.

to be quite honest....
I'm bored out of my fucking mind.
life is stupid.

but my mind lingers on a certain
someone subject.

live life.
be happy.
make friends.

[From today, July 2nd]
WARPED TOUR: 9 days.
HARRY POTTER [movie]: unsure. I forget. xD
MY 14th BIRTHDAY: 19 days.
HARRY POTTER [book]: 19 days.
POWERSPACE [again]: 41 days.

"I'm stoned in love
but not with you"
Current Location:
the underground
Current Mood:
weird weird
Current Music:
"Stoned In Love" - Powerspace
* * *
Just for good measure,
my MySpace blog goes here, too.

sorry I haven't done this yet

I'm toooo damn lazy to do this. hahahaha.


okay, so we [Stephanie and I] get to the venue at 4-ish and we hang out until the lines gets big, yaddie yaddie yadda.
so then we're going in and I brought the glowsticks.
the lady takes them and says that they are "dangerous"
and I say Powerspace told me to bring them
and she said that they have to come out and get them. T_T
so then I run inside to find Bob the good ol' merch guy
and I'm like "hey bob! remember me!"
and he's like
"of course I remember you! I know your face, but not your name, sorry."
I show him my shirt and he's like

so then Stephanie runs in and gets us spot as near to the banister as possible and as close to Alec as possible. which was second row.

I ask the guy infront of me if I could switch spots just for Powerspace and then I'll leave
[so they could see the banner]
and he says yeah



so they start playing and I'm waving the banner and Alec points to it and smiles.

their set was awesome... yaddie yaddie yadda...
then, at the VERY end, Alec does his legendary back-flips.
It was intense.



so then after their set was over,
Stephanie and I walk out into the lobby to go chat with the guys.
but they're not there... yet
and while Stephanie is buying a shirt,
I want a CD but Bob said that they're not for sale by themselves.
so I beg and he's like
"fine. but don't tell anyone. tip me and I'll give you a CD."
so I give him $5 and he gives me a CD and asks Stephanie if she wants one, too.
and he says "it's because I love the dance team so much."


Dan comes out and we talk to him. then Alec comes out and he's like "HEY!!!! Where's everyone else?!" and then we talk. I was shocked he still remembered me

and then Tom comes out and he talks to US. hahahaha. not too much of the other way around. xD

and then they sign the poster I got off the bathroom wall.
then towards the end, Stephanie and I help Tom pass out stickers.
it was amazing. 

we beat him at passing out a stack. hahahaha.

and then, when we were getting kicked out, Tom is like "no! they're not done making their selection!"

then after five minutes or so and the venue is emptying, they're like "okay. I guess you have to leave. I'm sorry!! We'll see you next time!!"

and then we give hugs. in order: Tom, Alec [whom I accidently tripped into his arms. xD (story to be told upon request)], Dan and then Kevin. hahahaha.

it was pretty much the most amazing day of my stupid life. I LOVED IT! and it seemed so natural.

I'll post more if/when I think of it. because I KNOW I missed something.




Current Location:
the freezer
Current Mood:
cold cold
Current Music:
"Let The Flames Begin" - Paramore
* * *
* * *