I never left.
this journal is now gonna be out of use.
add my other journal account:
if you are put off by slash fiction or whatever
okay... so it's almost 4 a.m.
I'm a struggling musician/lyricsist in a world that offers you nothing.
you work and work and work, despite age, you're told you're nothing.
and because that feeling, you can't write.
because of this, I've been discouraged.
but only just. :)
today, [yesterday, if you'd like to get technical] I was just singing, no intentions, actually.
and I wrote what I was singing...
and I sang the chorus over and over...
and it wasn't too bad...
but now, I'm stuck at my mom's
where singing isn't allowed
and I have no lyrical files.
my dad, leaving on a trip,
is pretty much leaving me here to die.
I need music.
I need my lyrics.
I need to have my other computer.
I need it's contents.
I've poured my life and my soul and all I've gotten,
and for what?
so I can write mediocre lyrics
and have blank melodies that sound the same?
but no, I'm sorry, my dear.
but this isn't how it's going to be.
I'm going to keep writing,
I'm going to keep singing,
and one day, it'll pay off.
because I WILL have what I wanted.
and all I wanted,
it so prove to you and everyone else
I CAN do something.
and damnit, that something is what I've wanted all my life.
I'll finish assembling my band through out high school
[being only a freshman never seemed like such a good thing]
and I'll get better at writing.
and I WILL open for Amber's Diary,
as they promised me.
I will do this.
it's not like I have much of anything else cut out for me.
and while I'm a musician,
I'm a photographer,
and that's about all else I'm good at.
okay, so I lie.
I'm not conceited,
I can do whatever.
it just seems that I'm in love with music
I'm at it's lowest form...
but one day...
I'll be better.
I'll get bigger.
not only as a person, but as a musician.
and one day, people will be wanting me.
"we like the break the mold
so why not sing already?
if we like to make a difference
why aren't we debating?
we like to sneak around the rules
maybe kill a few
it's easier to not get caught
than to give yourself up.
there's nothing wrong with
but there's only so far
we can push a limit
before we're taken into custody
and to be quite honest
questioning isn't really my sort of thing
and let's just hope
we know better now"
that's all I have right now.
and tbqh, I just wrote that.
I didn't even pre-write it. xD
right off the spot.
they're kinda... odd for now.
I'm trying to work on what means something to me.
but right now....
that's the problem.
I thought that with the most recent events,
I would write something...
I was wrong. :|
then again... it's not like I even tried. >_>
if I EVER write a decent song,
I'll name it as said above.
has inspired me, honestly.
I've been most inspired by All Time Low.
I dunno why,
mostly only because I'm still half delirious.
I'm a shade lighter than a fully cooked lobster.
would I taste good in butter?
I have the honest hope that I can write
a good set of solid lyrics.
do you know how happy I'd be?
I'd throw a fucking party.
I need to work on the following when writing:
-storyline [stay to].
I'm too out of it to think correctly.
I hopefully lost 10 lbs. in water weight.
that'd make up for the sunburn.
Powerspace - August 12th.
A month from today. :)
give me inspiration.
I'll give you a song.
give me love.
I'll give you my heart.
give me sleep.
I'll give you peace.
give me a hard time.
I'll give you hell.
make me sleep
before we all go
nothing I even say is GOOD!
I can't even sleep
because I'm soooo goddamn tired.
I haven't even eaten all day.
I was STARVING
but I couldn't eat my Quiznos.
and I love Quiznos.
and if I don't eat that...
there's something wrong. D':
why can't I write good lyrics?
all the good stuff is getting written
while I'm just doing a
"trial, error and FAIL"
this is pretty much just a rant bulletin of whatever is on my mind.
hopefully, this'll help me sleep once this is in the open.
thank you. that is all.
it's in fucking TWO WEEKS
events until then:
in other news...
is this what I am destined to be once I set foot into that classroom?
I have no idea what there is to become of me.
but today has been an emotional roller-coaster.
and not a very fun one at that.
I've gone to both polar extremities and back again.
I was so happy to talk about Powerspace with Alannah.
then I was sad when talking about "him" (I can't say. sorry.)
so sad, in fact, I began to cry.
I was happy to talk to my friends and hang out with Stephanie.
and so angry when my mother began to rag on me for shit.
what the hell is going to happen to my brain under
the combining force of pressure and [in]sanity?
*sigh* I guess we'll have to wait and see.
shall we have some poetry? [that rhymed ^_^]
"I've learned that if I want to be loved, I have to fall in love.
But I also learned, it's not as graceful as a dove
I know now that this strange emotion
meant only a lifetime of devotion
with feelings range as far as the ocean
moving only in slow-motion"
I can quite honestly tell you...
I've lost my mind.
because I HATE reading pencil stuff in the dark,
I found a little lamp that hooks onto the spine of a book
and I bunched up a bit of my hair
and clipped it on.
it's rather nifty, really.
THE CHINESE NEVER FAIL ME.
Gary and I are writing slash.
this'll be interesting.
stupid one and a half months until high school
low productivity sucks.
to be quite honest....
I'm bored out of my fucking mind.
life is stupid.
but my mind lingers on a certain
[From today, July 2nd]
WARPED TOUR: 9 days.
HARRY POTTER [movie]: unsure. I forget. xD
MY 14th BIRTHDAY: 19 days.
HARRY POTTER [book]: 19 days.
POWERSPACE [again]: 41 days.
"I'm stoned in love
but not with you"
Just for good measure,
my MySpace blog goes here, too.
sorry I haven't done this yet
I'm toooo damn lazy to do this. hahahaha.
okay, so we [Stephanie and I] get to the venue at 4-ish and we hang out until the lines gets big, yaddie yaddie yadda.
so then Stephanie runs in and gets us spot as near to the banister as possible and as close to Alec as possible. which was second row.
so they start playing and I'm waving the banner and Alec points to it and smiles.
PICTURES IN MY FLICKR
so then after their set was over,
Dan comes out and we talk to him. then Alec comes out and he's like "HEY!!!! Where's everyone else?!" and then we talk. I was shocked he still remembered me
and then Tom comes out and he talks to US. hahahaha. not too much of the other way around. xD
and then they sign the poster I got off the bathroom wall.
and then, when we were getting kicked out, Tom is like "no! they're not done making their selection!"
then after five minutes or so and the venue is emptying, they're like "okay. I guess you have to leave. I'm sorry!! We'll see you next time!!"
and then we give hugs. in order: Tom, Alec [whom I accidently tripped into his arms. xD (story to be told upon request)], Dan and then Kevin. hahahaha.
it was pretty much the most amazing day of my stupid life. I LOVED IT! and it seemed so natural.
I'll post more if/when I think of it. because I KNOW I missed something.