KimWilliamNara?

okay... so it's almost 4 a.m.
and I can't sleep.
I turn 14 [officially]
in about... 4 hours.
8:15 a.m.
Minnesota time.
so technically,
6:15 a.m.
Arizona time.

I have class in about...
7 hours.
and I don't know how well this will go.

xD

I'm having my "party" today
around 6:30
or whenever I get out of heels and into some jeans
after class.

I finished up a set up lyrics
almost.
the set is about my parents.
:/
it's a hard subject to write about, honestly.
but it's prolly the only good thing I'll ever write.
there goes my fucking music career.
</3

oh well.
whomever else is in the band with me
will write, too.
:)

GAHH
I want to sleep
soooo bad
but I can't.
I'm not tired.
the sun hasn't come up yet.
and if I only get a few hours of sleep
then go to class
I'm gonna be fucking sick
and pissed while doing goddamn runway.

I already feel my feet hurt.
T_T


oh well. I'll write another entry later.
that's a promise.
<333333
William
[is 14 today :)]

Current Location:	the deepest corners in my thoughts
Current Mood:	thoughtful
Current Music:	"White To Red" - Forgive Durden

you work and work and work, despite age, you're told you're nothing.

and because that feeling, you can't write.

because of this, I've been discouraged.

but only just. :)

today, [yesterday, if you'd like to get technical] I was just singing, no intentions, actually.
and I wrote what I was singing...
and I sang the chorus over and over...
and it wasn't too bad...
:/

but now, I'm stuck at my mom's
where singing isn't allowed
and I have no lyrical files.

my dad, leaving on a trip,
is pretty much leaving me here to die.

I need music.
I need my lyrics.
I need to have my other computer.
I need it's contents.

I've poured my life and my soul and all I've gotten,
was nothing.
was discouragement.
distractions.
put-downs.
rejection.

and for what?

so I can write mediocre lyrics
and have blank melodies that sound the same?

but no, I'm sorry, my dear.
but this isn't how it's going to be.
I'm going to keep writing,
I'm going to keep singing,
and one day, it'll pay off.

because I WILL have what I wanted.
and all I wanted,
it so prove to you and everyone else
I CAN do something.
and damnit, that something is what I've wanted all my life.

I'll finish assembling my band through out high school
[being only a freshman never seemed like such a good thing]
and I'll get better at writing.
and I WILL open for Amber's Diary,
as they promised me.
:)

I will do this.
because...
frankly...
it's not like I have much of anything else cut out for me.
and while I'm a musician,
I'm a photographer,
and that's about all else I'm good at.

okay, so I lie.
I'm not conceited,
but honestly...
I can do whatever.
it just seems that I'm in love with music
I'm at it's lowest form...
but one day...
I'll be better.
I'll get bigger.
I'll grow.

not only as a person, but as a musician.
and one day, people will be wanting me.
I hope...

[/end rant]

<3
William

Current Location:	apt 204
Current Mood:	blank
Current Music:	whatever I sing

Warped Tour...
has inspired me, honestly.
I've been most inspired by All Time Low.
I dunno why,
mostly only because I'm still half delirious.
I'm a shade lighter than a fully cooked lobster.
yumm...
I wonder...
would I taste good in butter?
:/

anyways.
I have the honest hope that I can write
a good set of solid lyrics.
do you know how happy I'd be?
I'd throw a fucking party.
:D

I need to work on the following when writing:
-honesty.
-storyline [stay to].
-solidness.
-etc.

I'm too out of it to think correctly.
I hopefully lost 10 lbs. in water weight.
that'd make up for the sunburn.

Next concert:
Powerspace - August 12th.
A month from today. :)

give me inspiration.
I'll give you a song.
give me love.
I'll give you my heart.
give me sleep.
I'll give you peace.
give me a hard time.
I'll give you hell.
make me sleep
sometime soon
before we all go
nuts.

:/

nothing I even say is GOOD!
T_T"
*hates*

I can't even sleep
because I'm soooo goddamn tired.
wwwwhhhhhyyyyyy?!

I haven't even eaten all day.
I was STARVING
but I couldn't eat my Quiznos.
and I love Quiznos.
and if I don't eat that...
there's something wrong. D':
I'm abnormal!
>_>

why can't I write good lyrics?
all the good stuff is getting written
while I'm just doing a
"trial, error and FAIL"
fuck.

this is pretty much just a rant bulletin of whatever is on my mind.
hopefully, this'll help me sleep once this is in the open.

thank you. that is all.

Current Location:	the darkened corner of my room
Current Mood:	exhausted
Current Music:	All Time Low

is this what I am destined to be once I set foot into that classroom?
I have no idea what there is to become of me.

but today has been an emotional roller-coaster.
and not a very fun one at that.

I've gone to both polar extremities and back again.
I was so happy to talk about Powerspace with Alannah.
then I was sad when talking about "him" (I can't say. sorry.)
so sad, in fact, I began to cry.
I was happy to talk to my friends and hang out with Stephanie.
and so angry when my mother began to rag on me for shit.

what the hell is going to happen to my brain under
the combining force of pressure and [in]sanity?
*sigh* I guess we'll have to wait and see.

shall we have some poetry? [that rhymed ^_^]

"I've learned that if I want to be loved, I have to fall in love.
But I also learned, it's not as graceful as a dove
I know now that this strange emotion
meant only a lifetime of devotion
with feelings range as far as the ocean
moving only in slow-motion"

<3
William

Current Location:	my dragon's keep
Current Mood:	contemplative
Current Music:	"Stay Away" - Paramore

sorry I haven't done this yet

I'm toooo damn lazy to do this. hahahaha.

anyways

okay, so we [Stephanie and I] get to the venue at 4-ish and we hang out until the lines gets big, yaddie yaddie yadda.
so then we're going in and I brought the glowsticks.
the lady takes them and says that they are "dangerous"
and I say Powerspace told me to bring them
and she said that they have to come out and get them. T_T
so then I run inside to find Bob the good ol' merch guy
and I'm like "hey bob! remember me!"
and he's like
"of course I remember you! I know your face, but not your name, sorry."
I show him my shirt and he's like
"Yeah!"
xD

so then Stephanie runs in and gets us spot as near to the banister as possible and as close to Alec as possible. which was second row.

I ask the guy infront of me if I could switch spots just for Powerspace and then I'll leave
[so they could see the banner]
and he says yeah

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^banner^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

so they start playing and I'm waving the banner and Alec points to it and smiles.
:DDD

their set was awesome... yaddie yaddie yadda...
then, at the VERY end, Alec does his legendary back-flips.
D:
It was intense.

PICTURES IN MY FLICKR

FLICKR

so then after their set was over,
Stephanie and I walk out into the lobby to go chat with the guys.
but they're not there... yet
and while Stephanie is buying a shirt,
I want a CD but Bob said that they're not for sale by themselves.
so I beg and he's like
"fine. but don't tell anyone. tip me and I'll give you a CD."
so I give him $5 and he gives me a CD and asks Stephanie if she wants one, too. and he says "it's because I love the dance team so much."

:D

Dan comes out and we talk to him. then Alec comes out and he's like "HEY!!!! Where's everyone else?!" and then we talk. I was shocked he still remembered me

and then Tom comes out and he talks to US. hahahaha. not too much of the other way around. xD

and then they sign the poster I got off the bathroom wall.
xD
then towards the end, Stephanie and I help Tom pass out stickers.
xD
it was amazing. 
we beat him at passing out a stack. hahahaha.

and then, when we were getting kicked out, Tom is like "no! they're not done making their selection!"

then after five minutes or so and the venue is emptying, they're like "okay. I guess you have to leave. I'm sorry!! We'll see you next time!!"

and then we give hugs. in order: Tom, Alec [whom I accidently tripped into his arms. xD (story to be told upon request)], Dan and then Kevin. hahahaha.

it was pretty much the most amazing day of my stupid life. I LOVED IT! and it seemed so natural.

I'll post more if/when I think of it. because I KNOW I missed something.

<3

William

Current Location:	the freezer
Current Mood:	cold
Current Music:	"Let The Flames Begin" - Paramore

Here's a comment I sent to Katie on her LJ post. I'm going to finish it. [underlined is what I sent to her. everything else is added.]

My name is Kim[berly]. Sometimes people call me by other names that aren't even close to Kim.

I'm not that much importance in the world in comparison to others. People like to tell me things I don't believe about myself.

Maybe it's just because I have a low self-esteem.
And that low self-esteem pairs nicely with my insecurity.

All of that has been building for years. My life story that's been running for only a mere 13 years would almost make you like your life, if it were normal or lots less than satisfactory.

I, too, have guy problems, but that's just because I'm a ditz on a normal basis.

But I can't talk to the opposite gender thanks to some guy I may still love. Sure, you may think love can't exist at 13, but I assure you, it can.

1 guy, 1 year. 0 dates, 1 million phone calls. That's all there was. there, we have one there in common. Only, that year+ was the happiest time of my life. but since things here at home decided to plunge into a river, it ended. but if it didn't, we'd still be together. and I'd prolly be talking to him now.

I'm pretty much an outcast everywhere, except for people that don't go to school with me. and therefore, I thank God for those people.

I'm nothing without music. Really. Without it, I wouldn't be here.

I like to sing. A lot. it's just something that passes the time and I hope to be my job. No prissy pop star. Rock only. Next Hayley Williams?

To me, no matter what, colors don't really matter. The world is grey. But if colors existed, my favorite would be blue.

I've gone through hard times, and still going through them. They seem to never end. Just a few days/a week ago, I found out my SUPPOSED 'best friend' has lied to me about talking the worst stuff about me behind my back. Therefore, I have no best friend. Sad in truth, I don't even know who my friends are anymore.

A lot of things I say are tongue-in-cheek. I'm too sarcastic and I get in trouble.

I'm pretty much an open book. if there's anything you really want to know, you can just ask, because I'll show you to the exact page and you can find out whatever.

Sometimes I like to ramble, in case you couldn't tell.

Sometimes, I like to say stuff to people that claim to care about me, just to see their reactions.

I think I'm pretty much depressive all the time, but I'm really not. I'm just very thoughtful.

When I get called names, I don't curl up in a ball and cry because the bigger kids are being mean to me.

I'm pretty much taller than... everyone else but everyone taller than me. 5'6"-ish is too much for me.

I hate the fact of not knowing. I like to know because if I know, bad things won't happen.

I don't like guessing. Unless there's a pretty damn good secret involved in the guessing.
More because I'm not good at guessing.

I have pretty much all the ideas I need in life in my mind. But I have the tendency to lose them.

Love never wanted me, either, Patrick Stump.

I can't think before I speak, or else it would take too long.

I don't like to be anywhere without somebody. That is, until I get home, then I want to be left alone.

When something big/important/tragic is going on or has happened, I cannot concentrate on anything else for the longest time.

When I'm appointed head of something, making me full-on boss, and I ask for something to happen or not happen, and people are like "No. This is MY project." I get pissy. I don't mean to be a bitch, it's just when I'm the leader of something, I like my responsibility. [this is art class related only. =P]

I don't like to lead sometimes; I like to follow.

I try not to be non-conformist, but then people sometimes follow me to whatever I go for.

I like to make believe. Period.

I like to think I'm good at things, then deny it when complimented to be humble.

I like to take pictures. A lot. Think you take more than me? Take 900+ [974 to be exact =X] in a matter of 4 days, then we'll talk. =)

Sometimes, I sing in the mall just because. Sometimes I sing in front of my art class or in the halls just because. But I never want to sing infront of my relatives.

I really can't think of any right now. I'l add later. <3

Current Location:	Down To The Underground; Arizona Isn't Home
Current Mood:	contemplative
Current Music:	Me.

I'ma gonna just post this right from how it was on my MySpace;

Hayli said the highlight of the concert. but.... omg... I'm soooo happy right now. thanks to Hayli and Powerspace. =P

if you don't have Hayli as a friend, then I'll tell you what happened-in more detail:

Hayli and I were sitting on the floor watching Powerspace set-up. One of them noticed my shirt and seemed pretty pleaed. Hayli asked one of them what their name was, and it was Tom. Then Hayli introduced us both. that was cool.

Then the set started and it was pretty much amazing, since I was like... right in front of Alec. *happiness*

When Alec was talking about their merch, he'd seen my shirt [I was the only one wearing a Powerspace shirt] and he asked me to come up and model. I was like "0_0' are you joking?" so I walked up on stage and stood next to him and kinda did mock-model poses. it was amazing.

During "It Smells Like Electricity In Here" [my most favorite], Alec put the microphone, stand and all, infront of Sarah[sp?], Leyna [sp?], Hayli and I to say 'electricity'.... I was happy. I sang... alot. *teehee*

then, during "Powerspace Snap Bracelet" [(one of) my FAVORITE song(s)], they told us to dance, so we danced alright. we went INSANE! then Alec walked off stage and danced with us. I was happy.

Then, during "Right On Right Now", Tom pulled Hayli on stage to sing with him and Alec. I was soooo happy for her. she was kinda like 'eeeehhh.... okay...' with the look on her face. then, after a few moments, she pulled me up with her, and we sang together to Powerspace with Powerspace. it was SURREAL.

Then, a bit after they played, we chased them [3 of 4] down at their own merch table and talked to them for a bit before Scenes From A Movie played. they're SOOOO amazingly nice. 3 of 4 signed my bag. so now, I need to find Kevin next show and get him to sign it. =D

We talked about the differences between Chicago and Arizona. haha. main topic: HEAT. hahahaha... yes....

so then after Scenes From A Movie, my sister came, and I argued not to leave because I needed to find Kevin and get a picture with them. I got yelled at, and I'm waiting for my date of crusifixtion[sp?]. She was going to leave me and I'd have to jump into a drum case and go to Jersey. So I asked Hayli, Leyna and Sarah to make a sign and take a picture of them with it. I was half joking, of course. but they really did do it! I'm sooo happy! I love them SOOO much! Apparently, it was individual pictures. yay! =D

so now, i cannot type, I left them a comment, and in a few I'ma gonna send them all a message and I'm STARVING. time to hit the fridge and wait for someone to hit me for making spelling mistakes.

but I'm too happy to notice. =)

- Kim
POWERSPACE/3-17-07

Current Location:	Ignorant Bliss
Current Mood:	ecstatic
Current Music:	POWERSPACE

I'm just tired of everyone treating me like SHIT. from family, 'friends', teachers, etc. I can't take it. I'm under every possible angle of stress, and people think I've gone fucking emo because things going on are really damn sad. I can't say I'm sad without being called emo or being told I'm over-reacting. But I know no-one except Lani will read this, so to you, Lani: you've treated me like shit, too. just know that.

I'm gonna use the lesson I've learned at Crave: I feel like a chicken. everyone is treating me like one, too. I'd tell you all personally how bad you've made me feel, but then you'd continue doing what you're doing, treating me like crap and pretending I don't exist.

it's not fun being ignored; I know. that's what most of my life is/was. you all may think I'm over-reacting, but it's because you all live in ecstasy and ignorance. no-one ever believes me when I'm telling the truth, and you push aside the fact I ever even spoke. I'm always contradicted, and I don't appreciate that.

thank you all for proving to me the "good things never last long" statement.

Today Spring Break starts. meaning, for a week, I get to be alone while everyone else has parties and shit like that. Why? because I'm pushed aside. and I don't want pity and get the invite just because; that's the GAYEST thing ever.

psh. fuck life, I hate it.


-------------------------------------------------------

to add onto that, life just sucks. really, it does. here's some music from today's depression:
[still in progress]:

"I try to hide my tears
so I put them in a bottle
to send them to you
where ever you may be
far or near [to here]

it's only so long that you can fake what you mean
you can say that you're something
but you have to prove that you're not
I'm sick of the policy
'let's include everyone but you'

you've proven to me
that good things never last long
don't give me pity with the last invitation

"it's almost pathetic the way I think of you""

Current Location:	deep, dark hole of doom
Current Mood:	disappointed
Current Music:	The High Court//Ethan On The Phone

WARNING:
explicit content. kinda nasty things. kinda strange. it was just my dream.

So, here is goes, The Tea Party dream, dreamed: 9-20-2006
[please excuse grammar/order errors; this is raw content, I just removed my old SN]
p.s.
this whole entire thing was a copied conversation from forever ago that I just edited out. when it says you, it's my friend Chrissy I'm talking about.
so you = Chrissy.

People in dream:
Panic!, Paramore, William and Shaant were there
along with my friend Chrissy, Stephanie, someone else I forgot, and myself.
Dream:

so like.... we were in like this really really big white room with little blue polka-dots
and then we were all sitting at this table with a white table cloth
and it was all frilly
then I was wearing this black dress and I was like wearing all black and like i had eye liner and dark eye shadow and stuff
and you [Chrissy] were in like a similar dress only more grey then black
and Stephanie was in a really really dark blue dress
and like I had a light blue ribbon in my hair and I had chopped off all my hair
and you were like wearing a red ribbon
 and Stephanie threw the ribbon away after she yelled 'fuck the ribbon! I ain't wearing that!'
then like Brendon and Ryan were in like butler outfits
and they were wearing top hats
and Spencer and Jon were in white frilly suits and then Hayley was in this blue frilly dress thingy and Jeremy and Hunter were in like all black suits
and then josh and zac were wearing these bright red suits and like some funky top hat
and then like.... William and Shaant were in maid outfits with feather dusters ><
 and then we were sitting at this table
and like I was all dark and emo and just glaring at everyone
and then Brendon and Ryan scooted away from me because Brendon was next to me and he made Ryan scoot over
and like Stephanie was like 'Thank you Kim!'
because Ryan was by her
and then like.... Paramore started dancing
and like Spencer and Jon asked you to dance with both of them
and you were like 'YES!'
because apparently you liked them
and then.... yeah... it was weird
omg! then William was like 'May I please have a cookie?' in like a British accent
and Stephanie slapped his hand when he reached for one and say said 'No, you go dust Shaant' and he was like 'but I already did! and the feathers are making him sneeze'
xD
yeah
alrighty
so after that Shaant like pouted then sneezed as William dusted him again and like he was tapping his feet (and he was wearing heels)
then Brendon threw a muffin at him yelling 'stop that! you're pissing me off'
and then Brendon looks over at Hayley and Josh and kinda got scared
because Josh was eating Hayley's hair
and he was like 'Dear lord Josh, get some food and stop eating her hair' and Josh like spits out her hair and looks down all a shamed and -edited- stuff.
and then you come back all sad and you dress like changed color to like green... I dunno why... 0_o
then you come back to the table all sad wiped your eyes with you green dress
you were sobbing saying 'Jon and Spencer left me so they could go somewhere. they didn't tell me. and they looked like... excited'
then Brendon and Ryan look at each other and are like
 'Oh crap.'
 and then Ryan snaps and Shaant comes and there are feathers in his hair. and Ryan's like 'Uh.... go find Jon and Spencer. But if you hear weird noises, run and don't try to find them *turns away thoughtfully* you might get scarred'
then like.... Hunter and Jeremy left because the white room was like.... bugging them and they didn't like polka-dots
and then Josh and Zac were like being all weird and walking up the walls.... 0_o
and then like.... Brendon got used to my emo-ness and offered me an egg 0_o
and I took the egg and threw it at Stephanie
and then like.... she didn't notice because she was like.... all over Ryan
and you started to cry because you're like 'But I love him!'
and I look at you and say 'No you don't. you just want in his pants'
xD
and then you look away blushing and you're mumbling something like 'maybe.....'
and then like.... Ryan and Stephanie left for more uh... *cough* more 'privacy' and I looked at them all disgusted as they left
and then you're like.... 'My life isn't worth living!' and then out of no where a window comes out of the wall and you like jump through it and land on this like little black rain cloud
and then you're like 'to Pete's!'
and you like float off
and then it was only me, Brendon, Josh, Zac and Hayley.
and then Hayley's like getting annoyed with Josh eating her hair all the time
and then she smacked him and said 'Why don't you find someone else's hair to eat!' and then walked off... and Josh cried
and then out of no where, Stephanie comes back, takes Josh by the shirt sleeve and then drags him off to uh.... I don't want to know
and then I shake my head and like Brendon and Zac started dancing all awesomely
and then Brendon and Zac were running up the walls and I was still there in my emo-ness kinda like... 'yeah.... uh-huh'
and then the sun comes out of no where.... like it becomes all sunny
and I like hiss
and then my dress color changed to like... orange 0_o
and then I was like 'PARTY!'
and then it was a three person party. Brendon, Zac and I.
and then I'll leave out the rest =P lol
you came back in the end
everyone came back in the end
like you came back from Pete's all like messy and you're like 'Nevermind! life is worth living!'
Stephanie and Ryan came back and like their hair was all messy
and like Stephanie's dress was crooked
and Ryan's shirt was all like twisted
then Hayley came back with Hunter and Jeremy [trying to make Josh jealous] and Josh came back with Jac and Audrey [Brendon and Ryan's ex girlfriends]
and then Brendon and Ryan were like hissing at Jac and Audrey
and then William and Shaant came back one holding Jon by the ear and the other holding Spencer by the ear and they're like 'we found these two... uh.... doing un approprieate things for school.'
and they just smile. and then they realize they're wearing each other's clothes and they turn like bright red
and then yeah....
that's pretty much it

Current Location:	this place
Current Mood:	sick
Current Music:	Random iTunes/iPod